Halloween

Well, I figured I might as do a Halloween post as well.

This was my 6th Halloween in Baltimore over the past 7 years (I spent one in England). My first, during my Freshman year of college, was an epic binge drinking fest, that began on Wednesday and ended sometime on Sunday afternoon. I could not believe the number of people in Fells Point. I also remember being amazed that lingerie was, by itself, a costume. I also remember being far too young to actually go into the bars, but still managing to be downtown from 8 pm to close to 2 am and never being bored.

Now, years later, I found myself spending Friday at a house party, and heading to Fells on Saturday only to say I was there. I consumed all of two beers Saturday night, surely a Halloween record for restraint.

Some things were much improved. I drove myself and my friends, and of course knew of a place to find parking within 5 blocks of all the action. No more walking 2 miles, and no more fighting for over priced cabs. Definitely an improvement.

On arriving on the scene, we had a few ideas of where to go. We actually stopped off for food first. Pro-tip: Eat before the bar. The pizza place is much less crowded prior to 1 am.

After that, it started raining, so we clearly chose Tim's (or Shuckers or whatever it is called now) because they had a covered line. While standing in line, I realized how awesome it was not being 19 as we watched the gaggle of girls in front of us panic about the effectiveness of their fake IDs.

Then there was the obligatory "We aren't dating but I want to go to the bar with this guy because when he gets drunk I want him to hook up with me but I don't want to tell my friends thats why because they will judge me" issue. Of course all of her friends are happily almost to the front of this line, but Little Bo Peep has just bumped into Goose and Maverick, and Maverick says he is going to Reefers, you should come too. Whomp whomp, now Little Bo Peep does not want to leave her friends but also wants to play out this tired dating ritual called drunk hook ups until we have a fight about not dating. But of course she can't just say that to her friends. I don't complain when they finally leave though, we move up like 15 spots in line when the whole crowd leaves.

Then the Teletubby behind me starts making out with the sexy police officer. It was actually mostly funny though, he had some great lines like "Let's get out of here, all these people are distracting me from you." In an insane but hilarious twist of fate, as I was leaving that night, Mr. Teletubby was passed out in a planter holding onto a shrub. The bouncer asked me if I knew him, and I said no but he was making out with a pretty good looking girl before, maybe he is just tired. I am pretty sure I saw Tinky Winky carrying him home later.

Also, to the girl in the nude body suit crying to me to let her into the bar just so she could get her cell phone, I'm sorry, but like I kept trying to tell you, I don't work there. I wasn't saying you couldn't go in. I don't know why you were convinced I was, but I wasn't. I wasn't even standing in front of the door.

Other highlights of Halloween.
Not getting arrested or ticketed.

Gumby coming up to us and doing ridiculous dance moves all night long. For no reason, just because he was Gumby.

There was a couple dressed as Joe DiMaggio and Marilyn Monroe, and both of them looked really good. Mostly because the woman fit the white dress and the guy literally looked like Joltin Joe himself.

Some kid dressed as a white rabbit. He also could not be removed from the dance floor. He was holding a box of Trix. He held that cereal box all night long. At one point I saw him with one arm around a female Jack Sparrow, one arm over his head with a box of Trix, getting down to N.W.A.

The most overdone Halloween costume is officially the Legends of the Hidden Temple. It's not original anymore. Unless you are J.D. Roth or Olmec. But if I see one more Blue Barracuda with a yellow skate helmet...

Another slightly overdone costume is Where's Waldo. The main problem is no one will ever do it better than my college roommate who sewed his own from scratch. He even took some paper, burned the edges, and then tied them in rolls for the scrolls. He also somehow found the exact backpack Waldo wears. But it was very funny when Mr. Waldo and Mrs. Waldo bumped into each other by the back bar and spontaneously began making out without saying a single word.

Watching Winnie the Pooh grind with every single girl he got near all night long. On one hand, very very funny. On the other hand, my childhood died a little each time I saw him.


Halloween Awards:

My "I Wish I Had As Much Fun As You" award goes to the random purple Disney princess. This girl was out with a bunch of her friends. She had a Purple Fancy Dress, lots of makeup, and a Tiara. I have no idea who she was supposed to be. In the line, while all her friends waited out of the rain, she danced non-stop for about 45 minutes. Once inside, she proceeded to literally run circles around the crowded bar doing ridiculous and nonsensical dances. I have no idea what she was on, but the only time she ever slowed down was to have a quick dance off with Oompa Loompa. Then it was back to running around/dancing. I have a feeling her legs are still sore from all that activity.

My "Just Because You Are Wearing A Mask Doesn't Mean You Can't Be Polite" Award goes to Mr. Insane Clown Posse Murder Bunny. This guy was in a bunny suit, covered in blood, with a bloody carrot and full face paint. He ran around giving everyone the middle finger all night long. Finally, his friend came up and explained that he was dressed like one of the I.C.P. guys, and that is what they did as part of their stage show. Still doesn't mean everyone else at the bar wants you running up to them sticking your finger in their faces. And I know you wouldn't behave like that if we could recognize your face.

And of course the "Relax Hon" Award goes to the lovely Ballerina and Rude Woman Wearing Black. First of all, both your costumes were terrible. But the line to get in sucks. It just does. For all of us. But there is no reason that you have to insist to be one in front of the other. The difference is about 30 seconds when you get to the door. But these girls had to go at it, finally resulting in Woman Wearing Black putting her arm in front of Ballerina to block her way. Ballerina then began using HER HEAD to head-butt Woman Wearing Black's ARM in an attempt to get her to move. Needless to say, I was so attracted to this display of lady like grace that had I been carrying a ring with me, I probably would have proposed to both of them on the spot.