Who I Am: on Benadryl, Personal Space, and Bad Books

So, I am a geek. Once upon a time, I tried to deny this--or, at least to make it seem inconspicuous. However, in recent years I have raised the battle cry of my generation: Whatever.

So, I play role playing games, read sci-fi, love the Sci-Fi channel (I am boycotting the new spelling, by the way), and have dozens of other geek-certified habits.

So, I'm allergic to everything growing outside, half the stuff they put in process foods, and have to purchase all detergents and soaps that are fragrance free and hypo-allergenic. I've learned to embrace who I am.

And who I am is tied to my geek-centricities. If you wanna talk about books, I'm very likely to ignore that I also enjoy Henry James and only talk about Orson Scott Card. It is this very geekiness that led me into two moments this past week.

Moment 1: As part of our Creativity Class in the MFA in CWPA program, we are trying to broaden our awareness, use our senses more keenly. This week, that included having my professor sniff my neck and then the class sniffing the necks of three of the students. Hey, they smelled good, like fabric softener, perfume, and--class favorite--booze.

But, being a geek, I was terrified I was going to sniff someone's neck and sneeze all over them. It wouldn't be the first time. Of course, people that I'm close enough to sniff are usually people that know me well enough to warn me off if they've spritzed on something floral or musky or...really anything at all.

I was all ready pretty tense because I don't like people invading my space. Maybe it was those early years in the Mid-west (ex-Navy brat, at your service). Maybe it is the plethora of childhood illnesses that have resulted in a horror of getting all up-close-and-personal with other peoples' flaking skin and virus shedding. Or perhaps some general geeky awkwardness I've yet to conquer. Either way, I was braced for bad things to happen.

In an anti-climactic end to this nerve-shattering moment: Nothing did. Happen, that is. And for that, I was thankful. And reminded I need to get out of my own head/comfort zone/apartment--whatever you want to call it---every now and again. So, good advice and, with no Benadryl needed, I can heed it without fear.

Moment 2: I came face to face with a book I had purchased on the way to the beach in August. The book: Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. Among my geeky habits is literature. All literature. I love to read. Leave a book nearby, I'm gonna swipe and peruse and probably read, rudely, while I'm supposed to be listening or interacting or some such other thing.(When once asked by my grandmother if I wouldn't rather spend time with her than read, I answered with confusion (sure, she was fun, but how could you compare the two?)--and what I would later learn was brutal honesty: "Read.")

Jane Austen is one of my favorites. When I initially saw this treatment of her book, I was taken aback, knee-jerk appalled. But, I picked it up and, in picking it up, skimmed captions of some of the pictures. The one that hooked me was Elizabeth decapitating Lydia. Because, if you've read the book, you can see where the elder Bennett would be tempted. Also, I'm a geek and zombie survival fiction--in any form--is not to be missed and neither are the nightmares it induces.

However, the book took me the entire week at the beach to read, I meant to pass it on to friends, having warned them that I laughed perhaps five times and fell asleep under the shore-sun more times than I care to remember. Instead, I crumpled it into a box that has only recently been emptied into our new apartment. And, now, it mocks me. If I had liked zombies less, I would never have read it. If it had been good, I wouldn't be ashamed that it exists next to my other books (and, you may have noticed, I don't have a lot of shame about what I read). But here I am with this awful book and a geeky desire to read what can only be its awful companion: Sense and Sensibility and Sea Creatures.

So, sure, I've embraced my geekiness, my clumsy run-into-walls, burn-myself-while-making-microwave-tea, have-an-asthma-attack-over-candles self. But, there are times, like this past week, when I wish I had a little more control over those geeky impulses.

Three Things I've Found This Week: Liz was correct about the Goodwill and Shoppers. Go. Be. Do. Spell check does not know how to spell Benadryl. Sad. And whispering "dirty" in class to whatever the professor says is not old, even if I am 26 and should know better.

Three Things I Still Need to Find: A third job. (I'm going on an interview for my second today.) The will to not purchase books that don't even look appealing. And, finally, the money to buy Star Trek, it comes out on the 17th.