The Oscars: Its like Election night, except completely unimportant.

Well, the Oscars are here again. I know alot of people get very excited about the Oscars and, for me, this year is no different than any other...I still dont care.

Actually, thats not true. This year IS different because this past year I saw NONE of the movies that came out. Not ONE. So, with that in mind why dont I give you my completely unbiased and uneducated Oscar predictions!

Everybody else is guessing, so why can't I...??

Best Picture:

AVATAR will likely win this category. It was the big talk all winter about the technology and that it took so long to make the movie, and who wouldnt vote for giant blue cat people in 3D? I don't know how much more amazing the merging of live action and CGI could possibly get, but apparently this movie does it. Plus it gives science fiction nerds yet another alien species that they're never going to have sex with.

Best Actor in a Leading Role:

GEORGE CLOONEY for the George-Clooney-is-on-an-airplane movie. What the heck was this? I can only go by the trailers, but did someone just follow George Clooney around to a bunch of airports and release it as a film? Either way, he's another Oscar, Mr. Clooney. Question: If you've seen Inglorious Basterds, wouldn't this have been a good film to add Clooney to? It just looks like it might be...>insert your own "Oh, Nazi's Where Art Thou?" joke here<

*Jeff Bridges should get this, though. He is MUCH cooler, after all he is The Dude.


Best Actor in a Supporting Role:

Is this like the runner-up category? Regardless, I hope they dont give it to Damon or Harrelson....lame!

Actress in a Leading Role:

SANDRA BULLOCK is supposed to be the shue in for this award for the movie The Blind Side. From what I have heard, she was impressive in a dramatic role....and considering her other movie this year was All About Steve, people are shocked and awed.

Actress in a Supporting Role:

I'm guessing that everyone thinks PENELOPE CRUZ is going to win this for being in he underwear in NINE...right? That is actually all I know about the movie NINE...it's Penelope Cruz in her underwear. I guess the academy will just go down the list of nominees and see if anyone else looked as good in their underwear and go from there.

Animated Feature Film:

OK, we've come this far together...I have to tell you....I lied. I have seen ONE of the films from this past year that is up for an award. That film is UP. My kids watch this movie constantly.....and I mean 2-or-3-times-a-day-on-weekends kind of contantly. I will admit, it's a good film, great for the kiddies....but I cant take it anymore. Even so, I hope UP wins. Especially since that creepy Fantastic Fox movie is up for this too...those trailers freaked me out. Also, it would mean another win for Clooney...and we shouldn't be pumping that ego any more than we do already.

Art Direction:

I didnt realize the categories dropped off this quickly. Actors, Actresses, Cartoons and then right to the "I dont give a s**t" categories? Hmmm. I just thoght there was more....this will go to AVATAR.

Cinematography:

Probably AVATAR.

Costume Design:

Well, the blue cats are all naked in Avatar, so I dont see how you could win this one. I'll say the Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus. It looked really trippy and had Heath Ledger in it.....two reason that they will feel they NEED to give it an award.

Directing:

Probably James Cameron because everyone is so Avatarded over his movie.

Documentary:

Documentary Short:

Film Editing:

Foreign Language Film:

Make Up:

Score:

I see where this is going and it's all just Avatar. The documentary making of Avatar, Avatar: the Short Documentary, Avatar in French, Avatar the lunchbox, Avatar cereal.....Its all AVATAR! So there we go, AVATAR will be winning everything.

Suddenly I dont feel so bad about not seeing any (most)of these movies...